So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
