Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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