so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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