I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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