I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
