my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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