If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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