it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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