got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
