at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
COCAINE IS GR8
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