there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
