Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
