I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
