He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
