He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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