when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
