Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
