last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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