Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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