It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
