I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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