You're so nebulous sometimes
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
