so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
