Me too!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
