break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
