If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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