just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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