She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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