i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The Olympian is in my bed
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
