Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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