He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
