I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
