you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
