if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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