Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
