3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
