just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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