just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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