The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
