just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
