your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
