So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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