I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
