What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
