My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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