Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
