Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
