Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
COCAINE IS GR8
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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