I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
