So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
