I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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