I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
