Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
