I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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