exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
NoShamevember. You game?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
