end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
